


3.6 Seconds

by Fairyglass



Category: Stargate - All Media Types, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s08e18 Threads, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 10:48:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17848025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairyglass/pseuds/Fairyglass
Summary: You expect to outlive your parents.  It hurts, but it's the way of the world.  You don't expect to outlive your Daniel Jackson, especially when he's already come back so many times before.Episode tag forS8 Threads.





	3.6 Seconds

Sam knows she shouldn’t be doing this. That it’s maudlin and self destructive - and that neither her father or Daniel would want her to be like this. But she can’t help it, not just yet. In a moment she’ll take back her composure, pull the mantle of Lt. Colonel back over her shoulders just so she can make it through these next few days. But for now, right now, she’s just going to indulge this dark mood of hers for a bit longer.

The glass of wine in her hand is long warm and barely touched. In her other hand is the remote to her CD player and she skips the song back three point six seconds. Sam has been listening to the exact same stanza for the last two hours.

> I did my best, it wasn’t much,  
>  I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch.  
>  I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you.  
>  And even though it all went wrong,  
>  I’ll stand before the Lord of Song,  
>  With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah.

She doesn’t know what it is exactly about this song that’s always made her think of Daniel. He isn’t particularly religious, though she supposes he is spiritual, in his own way. Meaning of life stuff, true to what's really important. Daniel is just so… Daniel _was_ so.... 

Just what the Hell tense is she supposed to be using? Her thumb holds the ‘back’ button for three point six seconds. You expect to outlive your parents. Sometimes they go before you’re really ready, but it’s still the natural order of things. But you never expect to out live your.... Sam struggles over the word ‘friend’. Because it isn’t enough. Neither is ‘family’. You never expect to outlive your Daniel Jackson. Even if this is for the second time and that spring of hope is welling eternal despite your best efforts to remain realistic.

She knew how to say goodbye to Jacob. She didn't know how to say goodbye to Daniel. Again.

The song may be his, but Sam has long stopped playing it for Daniel. She’s playing it for herself now. Sam has played the last three point six seconds so many times they’re no longer words to her ears, just a cadence and pattern she’s come to rely on. They remind her to breathe. To exist.

She did her best, but turns out it wasn’t much. It was Ba’al and her father, mostly.

Pete bought her a house. Sam isn’t ready for Pete's house. Sam isn’t ready for Pete. She can no longer feel and there’s no one to touch.

Technically they won. They defeated the Replicators once and for all, the Jaffa have claimed Dakara as their own. But where it… mattered. To her. It all went wrong. She’s lost both her father and Daniel.

She did her best, but was it enough? She thinks it was. It was everything she had, all she could give. But was there something more she could have done? Or something different? Or will some cosmic Lord of Song find her wanting and keep Daniel for his own instead. Can Daniel find his way back home again? Is that even possible? But what isn’t possible anymore. She doesn’t know. 

She just doesn’t know anymore.

Her thumb depresses the remote control’s button for three point six seconds.

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Hallelujah, by Leonard Cohen


End file.
